Formal Paper #2 (Final Polish)

Lukas Miller

Instructor Knapp

English 1A

Dear Parents,

            In today’s society, there are certain patterns of behavior that young children and even adults tend to follow throughout their lifetime, such as wanting to learn how to walk as a toddler, or even learning how to speak, or just simply try to accomplish something. Traits such as these are in the mind of every child when they are born. But as society knows, there is an undisputed difference between the two genders. As a child, a boy is usually accustomed to playing with G.I. Joes and action figures while we see little girls playing with Barbie dolls and ponies. It is in our human nature to deviate from the opposite sex and has been there ever since the beginning of time. It is so apparent in society that even children can see it and follow the pathway history has led us down to.

To support these differences in gender roles, the children witness them every day of their lives. Because traditionally, we see our dad working on the car or outside fixing things that are broken, and we see our mom in the kitchen preparing food or doing laundry and that changes the image of different gender roles in a child’s mind drastically. But According to Purdue University’s Tips for Healthy Gender Development: “Giving boys and girls the chance to watch women and men do different jobs will help promote healthy gender role development.” And for a kid that gets to see both genders do everything together like the father helping your mother in the kitchen or vice-versa in the garage working on the car. I think seeing both parents working together can help a child develop a view of equality between genders. This also shows them that both males and females are capable of doing any job. Growing up knowing that you can succeed in whatever you want to does not only bring a feeling of self-accomplishment but also a sense of happiness knowing that it’s not wrong to do what your heart desires.

            When identifying gender for a child we think of colors like blue or pink. Blue, obviously for boys, and pink for girls. Right from the get-go the child is placed into a realm of what their gender identity is and parents treat them accordingly, especially with their appearances. To adults, gender between boys and girls as children is usually identified from whether they have long hair or short hair, if the wear dresses and skirts or if they wear blue jeans and t-shirts, if they play with dolls in the house or play with action figures and Tonka trucks in the mud. Because of these stereotypical behaviors, children follow those roles even when they get older. Kids follow the example that their parents present them and put that into fruition without even thinking about it.

            For men in a traditional society are given a set of roles to follow, usually consisting of working to provide for your family, protecting your family, working around the house, fixing anything that is broken, to play sports, be aggressive, don’t show weakness and lastly, be a man. Now if you do not perform some of those tasks you will be in question if you’re a real man or not and to be considered awkward and or homosexual. But for women, they have a similar set of roles; just the exact opposite of a man’s set of roles. A woman’s roles consist of: cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, doing laundry, to make sure the husband is happy, do not sleep around, show emotion, and simply be a good wife. And if a woman does not follow the traditional roles of being a woman, they are considered to be uptight, a lesbian, or for lack of a better term, a “bitch.” But in today’s society, these specific gender roles are changing and people are diverging from them more so now than they did back in the traditional times. But these roles are still imprinted in to all people’s minds, still wanting to prove that they are manly or a woman, people still try to achieve each other’s approval.

            To a young boy, their minds are shaped and pounded vigorously by all the men around him, whether being his dad, coaches, teachers, friends, brothers, priests, or just guys along the street. A guy is always heeding their words of the generalization of masculinity and trying to get their approval. According to Michael Kimmel from his story “Bros before Hos: The Guy Code” he states that, “Men subscribe to these ideals not because they want to impress woman, let alone any inner drive or desire to test themselves against some abstract standards. They do it because they want to be positively evaluated by other men” (Kimmel 611). This statement that Kimmel wrote means that men do every masculine thing they can think of not to show women he is a man, but to get approval by other men to show that he is not a wuss, or to think he is gay. Because in a guy’s mind, the approval of others is everything to him.

            To the unseen eye, there are very many consequences with the traditional gender roles and how men and women are “supposed” to act. For men, they usually suffer from self-esteem issues, no social interaction, disassociation of emotion, and depression. And because of these destructive behaviors Kimmel states that "Boys are more prone to depression, suicidal behavior, and various forms of out-of-control or out-of-touch behaviors than girls are” (616). It’s believed that boys suffer more from the traditional rules of the Guy Code because the code leaves boys disconnected from emotions and prohibits them from sharing any form of feelings they have with others. And to add onto the pile, it can also lead to relationship issues because boys do not know how or want to express themselves how they truly feel and just express emotion.

A study that Kimmel does for his story “Bros before Hos,” where he goes around the country asking men from different colleges asking them one question, “what sorts of phrases and words come to mind when they hear someone say, ‘Be a man!” (608) the responses he got from most guys were, “Don’t cry… never show your feelings, never ask for directions, never give up, never give in, be strong, be aggressive, show no fear, show no mercy, get rich, get even, get laid, win” (609). These statements show that this is not a healthy society, because this shows that there is no room for error. When young boys are growing up, they are pressured with all these tasks and roles, they simply cannot be the person they truly want to be because they have to mask all emotions and pretend to be someone they are not. And when a boy cannot live up to the expectations that are weighing down on his shoulders, he becomes an outcast and ridiculed for not “being a man.”

         

   In my early childhood my father was in a terrible accident and was forced to be a stay at home dad while my mom was out all day working. So when I was growing up from age 5-8 I got to witness the exchanging of gender roles because my dad would do everything around the house, pick me and my brothers up from school and help my mom cook dinner when she got home from a long day at work. But on the weekends both my parents would be change roles again; my dad would be fixing things around the house, building fences or constructing a garage while my mom cleaned the house and cooked food. So on the weekends was when my brothers and I got to be men with my dad because we were always building something. One instance when us boys were all building a carport in our backyard, my father lost his balance near the edge and fell off the roof about 15 feet and landed back down onto our lawnmower. My brothers and I couldn’t do anything but watch him fall which we thought to his death, but somehow he managed to survive without a broken bone or even a scratch. My father just got up and walked it off like nothing happened and went back to work not 5 minutes later. I didn’t know this then, but this was subtly seared into my brain on how men should act and react in situations of that aptitude, so now whenever I get hurt I don’t show pain, or emotion, I always try to act like nothing happened and move on.

           The Traditional roles of both men and women do not fit into today’s society; times have changed and people think differently today and need reinforcement rather than discouragement. And to go against that traditional ways, we need parents to show that both male and females are equal, to help kids know that there is no pressure in growing up to what you want to be or being under constant supervision to make sure you are “normal.”

Sincerely,

Luke Miller

Annotated Bibliography

-Durso, Barb. "Gender Identity." Your Child's Development. N.p., 24 Sept. 2000. Web. 07 Dec. 2012.

Barb Durso is a board certified Pediatrician in private practice in Dallas, Texas. In her article she discusses child development and the stages a child goes through as he or she discovers whether they are male or female. Durso provides information on how a child develops the clear cut idealology of gender identity and gender stability. Both gender identity and stability are two stages that a child goes through where children develop stereotypic behaviors appropriate to their gender identity.

-Kimmel, Michael. "Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code." Rereading America. Eighth ed. New York:

                Bedford/St.Martin's, 2010. 608-17. Print.

In this article, “The Guy Code,” Michael Kimmel discusses the set of rules that men have to follow while growing up in order to seem worthy to be called a man, and not be looked down upon as being gay. The guidelines that men have to follow include: not being a wuss, maintain wealth, provide for your family, and never show emotion. These guidelines are most commonly taught to children while they are growing up, and sometimes have major consequences, from being unsocial, to even death.

-Putnam, Judi. Judith Myers-Walls. Dee Love. Tips to Encourage Healthy Gender Development of Boys and Girls. Purdue U. web. 2010

                In this article, the authors give parents tips on how to help raise your child and help parents identify good behaviors that their child should have. And also tell parents how to act around their children so they can identify good attitude and how to look upon gender roles in society.