Lukas Miller
Instructor Knapp
English 1A
Dear
Parents,
In today’s society, there are
certain patterns of behavior that young children and even adults tend to follow
throughout their lifetime, such as wanting to learn how to walk as a toddler,
or even learning how to speak, or just simply try to accomplish something.
Traits such as these are in the mind of every child when they are born. But as
society knows, there is an undisputed difference between the two genders. As a
child, a boy is usually accustomed to playing with G.I. Joes and action figures
while we see little girls playing with Barbie dolls and ponies. It is in our human
nature to deviate from the opposite sex and has been there ever since the
beginning of time. It is so apparent in society that even children can see it
and follow the pathway history has led us down to.
To support these differences in gender roles, the
children witness them every day of their lives. Because traditionally, we see
our dad working on the car or outside fixing things that are broken, and we see
our mom in the kitchen preparing food or doing laundry and that changes the image
of different gender roles in a child’s mind drastically. But According to
Purdue University’s Tips for Healthy Gender Development: “Giving boys and girls
the chance to watch women and men do different jobs will help promote healthy
gender role development.” And for a kid that gets to see both genders do
everything together like the father helping your mother in the kitchen or
vice-versa in the garage working on the car. I think seeing both parents
working together can help a child develop a view of equality between genders. This
also shows them that both males and females are capable of doing any job.
Growing up knowing that you can succeed in whatever you want to does not only
bring a feeling of self-accomplishment but also a sense of happiness knowing
that it’s not wrong to do what your heart desires.
When identifying gender for a child
we think of colors like blue or pink. Blue, obviously for boys, and pink for
girls. Right from the get-go the child is placed into a realm of what their
gender identity is and parents treat them accordingly, especially with their
appearances. To adults, gender between boys and girls as children is usually
identified from whether they have long hair or short hair, if the wear dresses
and skirts or if they wear blue jeans and t-shirts, if they play with dolls in
the house or play with action figures and Tonka trucks in the mud. Because of
these stereotypical behaviors, children follow those roles even when they get
older. Kids follow the example that their parents present them and put that
into fruition without even thinking about it.
For men in a traditional society are
given a set of roles to follow, usually consisting of working to provide for
your family, protecting your family, working around the house, fixing anything
that is broken, to play sports, be aggressive, don’t show weakness and lastly, be
a man. Now if you do not perform some of those tasks you will be in question if
you’re a real man or not and to be considered awkward and or homosexual. But for
women, they have a similar set of roles; just the exact opposite of a man’s set
of roles. A woman’s roles consist of: cooking, cleaning, taking care of the
children, doing laundry, to make sure the husband is happy, do not sleep
around, show emotion, and simply be a good wife. And if a woman does not follow
the traditional roles of being a woman, they are considered to be uptight, a
lesbian, or for lack of a better term, a “bitch.” But in today’s society, these
specific gender roles are changing and people are diverging from them more so
now than they did back in the traditional times. But these roles are still
imprinted in to all people’s minds, still wanting to prove that they are manly
or a woman, people still try to achieve each other’s approval.
To a young boy, their minds are
shaped and pounded vigorously by all the men around him, whether being his dad,
coaches, teachers, friends, brothers, priests, or just guys along the street. A
guy is always heeding their words of the generalization of masculinity and trying
to get their approval. According to Michael Kimmel from his story “Bros before
Hos: The Guy Code” he states that, “Men subscribe to these ideals not because they
want to impress woman, let alone any inner drive or desire to test themselves
against some abstract standards. They do it because they want to be positively evaluated
by other men” (Kimmel 611). This statement that Kimmel wrote means that men do
every masculine thing they can think of not to show women he is a man, but to get
approval by other men to show that he is not a wuss, or to think he is gay. Because
in a guy’s mind, the approval of others is everything to him.
To the unseen eye, there are very
many consequences with the traditional gender roles and how men and women are “supposed”
to act. For men, they usually suffer from self-esteem issues, no social interaction,
disassociation of emotion, and depression. And because of these destructive
behaviors Kimmel states that "Boys are more prone to depression, suicidal
behavior, and various forms of out-of-control or out-of-touch behaviors than
girls are” (616). It’s believed that boys suffer more from the traditional
rules of the Guy Code because the code leaves boys disconnected from emotions
and prohibits them from sharing any form of feelings they have with others. And
to add onto the pile, it can also lead to relationship issues because boys do
not know how or want to express themselves how they truly feel and just express
emotion.
A study that Kimmel does for his story “Bros before
Hos,” where he goes around the country asking men from different colleges asking
them one question, “what sorts of phrases and words come to mind when they hear
someone say, ‘Be a man!” (608) the responses he got from most guys were, “Don’t
cry… never show your feelings, never ask for directions, never give up, never
give in, be strong, be aggressive, show no fear, show no mercy, get rich, get
even, get laid, win” (609). These statements show that this is not a healthy
society, because this shows that there is no room for error. When young boys
are growing up, they are pressured with all these tasks and roles, they simply cannot
be the person they truly want to be because they have to mask all emotions and
pretend to be someone they are not. And when a boy cannot live up to the
expectations that are weighing down on his shoulders, he becomes an outcast and
ridiculed for not “being a man.”
In my early childhood my father was
in a terrible accident and was forced to be a stay at home dad while my mom was
out all day working. So when I was growing up from age 5-8 I got to witness the
exchanging of gender roles because my dad would do everything around the house,
pick me and my brothers up from school and help my mom cook dinner when she got
home from a long day at work. But on the weekends both my parents would be
change roles again; my dad would be fixing things around the house, building
fences or constructing a garage while my mom cleaned the house and cooked food.
So on the weekends was when my brothers and I got to be men with my dad because
we were always building something. One instance when us boys were all building
a carport in our backyard, my father lost his balance near the edge and fell
off the roof about 15 feet and landed back down onto our lawnmower. My brothers
and I couldn’t do anything but watch him fall which we thought to his death,
but somehow he managed to survive without a broken bone or even a scratch. My father
just got up and walked it off like nothing happened and went back to work not 5
minutes later. I didn’t know this then, but this was subtly seared into my
brain on how men should act and react in situations of that aptitude, so now
whenever I get hurt I don’t show pain, or emotion, I always try to act like
nothing happened and move on.
The Traditional roles of both men
and women do not fit into today’s society; times have changed and people think
differently today and need reinforcement rather than discouragement. And to go against
that traditional ways, we need parents to show that both male and females are
equal, to help kids know that there is no pressure in growing up to what you
want to be or being under constant supervision to make sure you are “normal.”
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